


Collaborative Mayhem

by fileg



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Humor, Poetry, War of the Ring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2003-08-14
Packaged: 2018-03-22 21:01:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3743402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fileg/pseuds/fileg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>for the delectation of Shunt and Shadow — and for you...</p><p>Flick and Fileg , with the assistance, insistence and vicarious thrills of Chris present a collection of collaborative nonsense</p><p>Warning: Poetry<br/>Rated: "R" for slash, "I"  for innuendo and "D" for doggerel</p><p>Please note: The character list says "Aragorn"  and "Boromir" only because it would not let us say "Aragorn and Boromir... Boromir... Boromir..."<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oh, Boromir ...  a pair of answering slash villanelles

**Author's Note:**

> The character list says "Aragorn" and "Boromir" only because it would not let us say "Aragorn and Boromir... Boromir... Boromir..."

Oh! Boromir.…

Oh, Boromir! Thou art a hottie!  
The thought, unbidden, unto Aragorn occurred -- a thought, disturbing and a trifle crude.  
If I can’t have you, I’ll go dotty!

Although you acted kind of snotty,  
what with the shards of Narsil and that stuff about how Gondor needs no king. You were quite rude,  
but Boromir, thou art a hottie!

And I’ll admit those green eyes got me,  
and that gold hair. And that rare smile (especially when it’s not for me). And that special way you brood.  
If I can’t have you, I’ll go dotty!

Even when we’re both quite grotty,  
I’m thinking more and more on how you’d look divested of some layers. In fact, let’s face it, nude,  
'cause Boromir, thou art a hottie!

If this offends you, you can stop me.  
But I’ve been feeling that you’re awfully tense, and I could help you out. I’ll bet you’re not a prude.  
If I can’t have you, I’ll go dotty!

Even when we’re both quite grotty  
(like now with all the blood) and even when you acted snotty and though by orcs you’re sort of screwed…  
still, Boromir, thou art a hottie.  
If I can’t have you, I’ll go dotty!  
  
\--Flick

***

 

Take Me

Aragorn, I am a hottie, it is very true.  
You're not so bad yourself - is what I have to say  
Did you think I would pass up a ranger stud like you?

Though what we are proposing is often thought taboo  
it's not like we could stop the slash-fics anyway —  
'cause Aragorn, I'm such a hottie. It is very true.

I could pretend to struggle while my virtue you subdue  
and leave me shivering in fetching, manly disarray...  
Did you think I could pass up a ranger stud like you?

In fact, I think your whole proposal is long overdue.  
I didn't save myself so you could look the other way  
for Aragorn, I am a hottie, it is very true.

Ahh, who are we kidding. We both know we want you  
clinging to my body like a wizard's bad toupee  
Did you think I could pass up a ranger stud like you?

Being Isildur's heir leaves you with a lot to live up to -  
but when you enter Gondor, I'll be with you all the way.  
Aragorn, I am a hottie, it is very true.  
Did you think I would pass up a ranger stud like you?

\-- fileg

 

 

 

please respond in [ flick's fic](http://henneth-annun.net/members/forums/threads.cfm?confID=6&Forumid=305) or [ fileg's flight](http://henneth-annun.net/members/forums/threads.cfm?confID=6&Forumid=207)  



	2. The Boromir Villanelles -  mayhem from the verse and adversity verse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for the delectation of Shunt and Shadow and for you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The character list says "Aragorn" and "Boromir" only because it would not let us say "Aragorn and Boromir... Boromir... Boromir..."

 

A Villanelle for Boromir…. not

I thought I’d write a villanelle,  
like Tay wrote once on Rivendell.  
Poetic pride my heart did swell.

I’ll use one rhyme my tale to tell.  
I’m sure that I can do this well.  
Poetic pride my heart did swell.

A snag appeared my heart to quell;  
that heart belongs to Boromir.  
Oops! … thought I’d write a villanelle,

but with that ‘-mir’ I can’t excell,  
‘cause he won’t fit in elven dell.  
Poetic pride my heart don’t swell.

It’s true he into shadow fell…  
That works! … no more in Minas Tirith for to dwell??  
I thought I’d write a villanelle,  
But this particular form can go to…

\--flick

 

***

Chris and I felt so bad that Flick did not actually get to extol the virtues of the Blade of Gondor, that we thought we would help out. (Chris wants me to say that she helped out by trying to stop me. But that would be a lie.)

 

VillaMir

A villanelle for Boromir  
Who traveled Middle Earth’s frontier  
To every eye it brought a tear

For in our hearts we hold him dear  
And that’s why what we’re writing here  
’s a villanelle for Boromir

He was a man who knew no fear  
And when he showed his heart sincere  
To every eye it brought a tear

As warrior he had no peer  
His honor needs not our veneer -  
Our villanelle for Boromir

Then, pierced with many an arrow’s spear  
Cruel Uruk-Hai dealt wounds severe  
To every eye it brought a tear

The Anduin became his bier  
And Faramir writes every year  
A villanelle for Boromir  
To every eye it brought a tear  
He should have stayed in Rivendell…

 

Chris had made me remove the underwear verses to maintain some sense of decorum:

We wish his clothing had been sheer  
so we could see beneath his gear  
without the need to be a seer

Did he wear garments by St Cyr*  
To emphasize his lovely rear?  
It would call forth a mighty cheer

 

* (At least, we never see him prancing around in a black merry widow and fishnets, though what he wore under his mail is open to speculation. If he is dressed like Frank-n-furter under there, Susan Sarandon won’t be the only one singing –“God Bless Lilly St Cyr!)

 

 

And Chris made me take out this verse because she said it was Sharpe, not Boromir:

A military engineer,  
He could swing from the chandelier  
Dependant from his bandolier

Without spilling a drop of beer  
Upon the maids who caused his leer;  
But only smile and persever

\-- fileg and Chris

 

***

 

Why stop at praising Boromir?  
Why slight the grand and noble Sharpe?  
They both deserve a heartfelt leer.

Although his clothing was not sheer,  
At jacket green I would not carp.  
Why stop at praising Boromir?

Not swinging from a chandelier,  
but charging up the Frenchie’s scarp.  
They both deserve a heartfelt leer.

I’d gladly share a friendly beer  
or shelter under either’s tarp.  
Why stop at praising Boromir?

So Chris and Tay, I do not fear.  
I’ll sing their praise upon my harp.  
They both deserve a heartfelt leer.

To warriors bold let’s raise a cheer!  
Yay, Boromir! Hail, Richard Sharpe!  
Why stop at praising Boromir?  
They both deserve a heartfelt leer.

\-- flick

please respond in [ flick's fic](http://henneth-annun.net/members/forums/threads.cfm?confID=6&Forumid=305) or [ fileg's flight](http://henneth-annun.net/members/forums/threads.cfm?confID=6&Forumid=207)


End file.
